The Gospel According to The Unionites
AND it came to pass that there existed a fertile land called Caledonia, a wild and verdant place abundant in all the fish of the water and the sea around, and all the fowl of the air and the earth below, and in the fruits that grow upon each and every bush and tree, an infinite cornucopia of nutriment, enough that any man or woman or child doth want.
AND it was that Caledonia lived in peace with its Wise Neighbour, Unionista, yet Caledonia did not prosper, for the people of Caledonia were a meek and blind people who did accept their place under heaven’s vast firmament, a tribe that did bow and scrape to the superiority of Unionista.
AND there arose a Man Named Dissent of Caledonia who did stand up and spake his thoughts to his people. “Why is it we maketh one thing, and we groweth another, yet all things thereby and therein remaineth the Unionites possession?”
AND hearing this the Unionites did answer thus: “It is written, all that you maketh, and all that you groweth, must be pooled and shared, for it doth unite us as one.”
AND the Man Named Dissent was not content for he did ask again, “If we are as one why is it that as you grow stronger we grow weaker?”
AND the Unionites did answer thus, “It is written we are stronger because we are stronger together.”
AND the Man Named Dissent did consider the Word of the Unionites but was not comforted, and did ask again, “Why is it that we cannot keep all that we maketh, and all that we groweth, yet still be stronger together?”
AND the Unionites answered thus, “Be content, for it is written so long as we are your Wise Neighbour so long shall thee be safe in all that you do, and in all that thee think, and thy children, and thy children’s children.”
AND the Man Named Dissent did ponder upon the Unionites’ Word but was greatly perplexed, and did ask again, “If it is written we are stronger together, why is it that thou do not give unto us all that thou maketh, and all that thou groweth?”
AND at this the Unionites grew impatient and did answer thus, “We are The Chosen One. Hast thou a problem with that, mate?”
AND the Man Named Dissent did consider this, and answered truthfully saying, the Word of the Unionites passeth all understanding. And he stood up again and did ask, “By whose hand were thee anointed The Chosen One, for in my search nowhere is it written?”
AND it was that the Unionites became agitated and angry, and spake unto the people of Caledonia a parable thus, “Imagine that all we give thee is like an oval of Divine Bread we have baketh. The Divine Bread is divided into two. One part is ours to use for fashioning armaments to keep our lands safe from our enemies. The other part is also ours to use for our money lenders so that they may thrive. But the third part of the Divine Bread shall be yours that you may rejoice and prosper, for so it is written.”
AND the Man Named Dissent was troubled, and did repeat the parable of the Unionites to the people of Caledonia saying, “One and one doth not, in all bloody eternity, maketh three, but it doth maketh us poor and poorer.”
AND the people of Caledonia did recognise the Man Named Dissent as a prophet. And there began a great contemplation in the land, and a great gnashing of teeth, followed by a gushing of Truth, and the Unionites did blow a great release of esteem, until after a time the people of Caledonia did stand up as one, and did say with one voice:
“We shall write our own Word and live by our own Law; yet shall we not covet our Neighbour’s land, nor the goods therein, for no one is The Chosen One.”
AND so it came to pass that the land of Unionista did cease to speak a load of utter bollocks, or live off the sweat and toil of Caledonia. And thereby did both tribes live peaceably, in mutual respect and harmony, for so it was written.
© Grouse Beater (2015)