The Charge of the Lite Brigade



Tomb of Lord Asquith, MP, East Fife, apparently prime minister of ‘England’

England, my England

This week the assault on Scotland’s democracy returned with a vengeance. It brings to mind the charge of the Light Brigade, in intellectual weight, the Lite Brigade.

The place is full of nonentities keen to do Scotland down for no reason they can muster. The crave unity but stir up dissonance whenever they can. If they get a momentary glimpse of reason they pull the drapes to shut out the light.

Just as you thought ruthless, liver spotted colonialists had relaxed into their button-backed armchairs, reminiscing of the great days in India when the click of thumb against ring finger brought you a cool gin and tonic, they return to belittle a nation’s achievers.

Spurred on by SNP’s election successes they sprang into action, doubling attacks on individuals considered an effective voice for Scotland. Even J.K. Rowling-Innit got in on the act by complaining of internet abuse, yet again, coincidentally as her latest book was published. She has become the new Jack Vettriano. Whenever he had an exhibition he complained of being spurned by the Scottish art establishment, a complete falsehood. But it did the trick. Newspapers duly published the wittering of the millionaire ‘people’s painter’, and the faithful lined up to idolize his sleazy images.

Just say no

Some while ago I thought it healthier to stop reading newspapers, and avoid as much television news as possible. It freed the mind. If you have never experienced the freedom of intrusive brain pain from pond life you’ll know what it is like to stop eating sticky toffee that lifts out fillings, and has you picking teeth clean for an hour afterwards.

If only we were like the Greeks and ignored the raving and the dribbles of our media and voted against attrition, against the rancid pudding that is the United Kingdom. Instead, too many thought Armageddon was imminent if one did not genuflect to the English class system and acknowledge Etonian rule the only rule.

At Westminster it was Etonian triumph day ratifying the death of the UK parliament, English laws for English votes, a proclamation that ‘English’ is always best. It would be racist were it not so obviously in the interest of Scottish independence in the long term to see the UK parliament transmogrify into an English parliament.

But democracy haters are back to intimidate because they see Scotland is not the subdued province they had planned to exist after the Referendum vote. Old adversaries sharpen their blunt pencils and are back at their desks, a length of soiled toilet paper trapped in the rear of their pants.

Unknowns go wild.

Mrs Darling, Maggie Vaughan, taking over where dear hubby happily left off for a withering finale in the House of Lords. (Her avatar spiel terse to the point of obtuse: “No. Just no.” Is she addressing young women?)

She utters banal notions on the Internet to show her resilience to good sense for the common good. For her to believe her remarks are in any shape or form thought provoking she must enjoy comforting weekly gossip sessions with a coterie of like-minded dim-witted friends who pop round for that well-advertised cup of Better Together tea that dispels intelligent thought.

Brillo Pad

Andrew Neil was at it too. Neil, ‘Brillo the Bull’, has a skull far too big for the few facts he keeps in it. Educated at Paisley Grammar, a former controversial  editor – a euphemism for either a bully, not competent, or both – of Murdoch’s Sunday Times, was in bullish mood when challenged about his facts on Scotland’s NHS. Later he offered a good line in parsing, arguing he had not ‘advanced’ a view, but simply offered a ‘measure.’

And I’ll have a wee half, Neil.

At one point in the heated Twitter discourse, (I took part in the sad fracas) he threatened a poster with his lawyers. “They are watching” he said, as a school pupil might warn when calling upon his big brother to biff an upstart, before going on to insult his interlocutor.

Neil resorted to adolescent bickering with another journalist on Twitter, addressing him as a troll for daring to ask if he, Neil, understood Scotland had been hit by the Tories austerity ideology. His reply was ambiguous.

The aftertaste left by the exchange is one in which Neil betrayed himself as insecure, compelled to tell readers he had more property than his house in Knightsbridge, London. What professional certain of his strengths tells people he owns more than one house? A case of nay, I am richer than thee. Sucks boo.

BBC employees are charged with presenting the United Kingdom view, a mentality it’s hard to shake off when your paymasters are unionists. The trouble with a one-view attitude is, it leads viewers to assume (wrongly) that you are the informed person, and indeed that’s exactly how Neil presented his facts. How many times have we heard people say, ‘I trust the BBC’? More fool they.

What is alarming is less a professional journalist trolling Twitter as if out to find a victim, more his disingenuous notion the Tories have let Scotland off the hook, done nothing to undermine its ambition to become a nation state once more. A closed mind?

Incidentally, Bull is short for ‘bully’ on account of his days working for Murdoch when he had a habit of letting rip at employees, some of them long-serving respected journalists, shouting at them down telephones from some trendy nightclub he was attending, the latest squeeze on his arm. Women like a dangerous man, and Neil knows it.

Every dog had his day

A nonentity yearning for the bright lights by way of defaming Yes voters, leading to a spot or two on BBC’s Scotland 2015 studio cupboard, is Iain Martin, self-appointed editor of a capitalist pamphlet called CapX, a man incapable of getting a sentence to make sense. He should never be allowed near a keyboard, let alone be an editor of anything. Here is a typical non-sentence that shifts seamlessly from a false assertion to an illogical conclusion:

Yet, after almost a decade of dominance, the SNP is still a stranger to public disagreement or discussion, despite history suggesting that all political operations in a democracy have their internal divisions and problems.”

Invoking the classic ‘when will you stop beating your wife?’ Martin asks, “Why are the Nats so terrified of their leaders?” a remark made in one of the few comprehensible paragraphs. The obvious reply is, why are ignoramuses scared of Scotland exercising free will?

Why do these people persist in publishing garbled opinion nobody asked for? They may as well be playing a piano with the lid down.

Having exhausted all the anti-Scots vituperation they had during the Referendum debate, and all their falsehoods and lies, they are forced to throw old empty shells at us that repeat and recycle fabrications.The Records' splash on Scotland's oil. We must have the only press in the world that hates the nation it serves whilst expecting to sell newspapers to its people.

You’re poorer with oil

In the last few days the Daily Record devoted a two-page spread to remind us that if Scotland had oil it would be poverty-stricken, poorer than a church mouse, (but not a Church of England mouse) grovelling for assistance and welfare just like people fleeing from Syria. You lose count of the number of scaremongering articles on oil making Scotland poor, but the Record has no shame in reusing old material.

The Record offers not a word how Scotland would receive all the income from North Sea oil had it won the vote no matter price per barrel, nor a mention of how low fuel costs helps us all, from pensioners to heat their homes, the rest of us to get to work, or truck drivers to avoid increasing costs moving stuff across nations. As usual, the rag promotes the lie an independent Scotland’s economy was predicated on oil revenues, and therefore would be bankrupt now. Either way, Scotland would be better off if it got the proceeds from the oil in its own seas. The Daily Record intends it never will.

The Record has a political editor, the same as a public convenience has an attendant.

Nonentities at every turn

And so the nonentities pile in, too many to list here. One political tactic is to portray Scotland as a one-party state. As a weapon it is a dud. What they are really saying is, “If you elect a government we dislike you incur our wrath, and we will back it up with constraints on your freedoms.”

Not everyone who hates Scotland is crazy, but everyone who is crazy wants England to rule other nations.

I have reached the stage nobody, absolutely no one who mouth’s Better Together guff gets off without a verbal cuffing. That usually shuts them up, or gets the expected response, “I take it we have a Yes voter in our company?” which implies one of their number has AIDS. And when I read another unionist diatribe with ‘methinks’ in it I immediately move on to another post.

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17 Responses to The Charge of the Lite Brigade

  1. macart763M says:

    They’re rattled Grouse.

    The GE SNP landslide
    The ongoing memogate farrago
    The collapse of the vow
    The introduction of EVEL
    A years worth of media/establishment racist abuse
    A years worth of Conservative austerity ideology
    A years worth of BT statements taken apart by time and events…

    … and a very aware and engaged electorate still watching, still absorbing and still awaiting their next opportunity to make their opinions known.

    The clock is running down on their sham of a system Grouse and I believe they’re feeling some hot breath on their collective brass necks.

  2. paulmclem says:

    Nice piece, Grouse. I share your palpable irritation. However, we will prevail, of that I’m sure…just need to be patient – and not stoop to their levels of abuse.

  3. Grouse Beater says:

    Thank you. And on prevailing, I hope so.

  4. daibhidhdeux says:

    Necropsy at its veterinarian finest as you dissect the flogged – to – death dead Unionist horse arguments of the uber-Unionist floggers.

    Autopsies up next on the table as to the reasons for the floggers’s demise when the democratic will of the Scots citizenry finally prevails, sovereign, over them?

    I very much look forward to this prospect.

    Meantime, thank you (and thank you to the above posters).


  5. jdman says:

    “Wings does for the unionist cause what Bomber Harris did for landscape gardening.”

    As Macart is wont to say
    OOFFT! 🙂

  6. Archie McMillan says:

    Well done Grouse, another stoatter.

  7. Endorse the previous comments. Very well written. The point I raised yesterday on W.O.S is why are the media, whether it be T.V, radio, or in print, seemingly so determined to sign their own death warrant with their continual lies about Scotland, and its people.?
    Surely in any “normal” business, questions would be asked about falling circulation/listening/viewing figures, especially from private entities who have to answer to their shareholders when their profits fall, hurting them where it hurts most, in their pockets.
    I couldn’t care less about Neil as he has long since taken the establishment’s shilling, no, it’s the various publications/broadcasters who put Scotland in front of their title, then go on to belittle our fine country. My utter contempt for them knows no bounds, and come independence, I hope we can consign them to the dustbin of history.

  8. macart763 says:

    Enjoyed that line myself. 😀

  9. Pam McMahon says:

    We don’t have to wait until independence for that happy day to dawn, Alex. We can stop buying unionist newspapers, and cancel our state broadcasting licence NOW, as many of us already have.
    Good article Grouse Beater.
    The situation in post indyref Scotland would make you greet, if there were any tears left to shed.

  10. fionamgrahame says:

    The establishment is certainly shaken and most definitely stirred as we have found in Orkney where a one party state has existed since 1837 with a short break in 1935. Liberal control of Orkney (& Shetland) was once unquestioned. Well that time is no more.

  11. Grouse Beater says:

    Good point.

  12. Thanks Pam but I’m now at an age where I don’t have to pay for my broadcasting licence, never watch M.S.M news anyway since the lies become more outrageous daily, and I don’t just mean about Scotland. The National is the only newspaper I buy nowadays. Even gave up on the local paper because it’s owned by the repulsive Barclay brothers.

  13. hektorsmum says:

    Excellent GB, loved every word, now I just have to take your advice and not berate those dashed horrible people from elsewhere. I have just had words with someone and I know I should have resisted and said nothing.

  14. Grouse Beater says:

    Don’t resist – do as I do, begin by saying almost in a whisper, “It’s fascinating to hear someone proclaim full democracy doesn’t concern them.”

  15. diabloandco says:

    Like it Grouse and have now committed to memory that final response. I will attempt not to splutter ” dunderhead , can ye no think?” and try instead quietly saying ” It’s fascinating to hear someone proclaim……….”

  16. Grouse Beater says:


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