Slipping In Westminster Slop


One of London’s oldest working sewers, built in 1834, but not enough to rid London of Westminster’s stench

Westminster is a sewer

What sane person, what self-possessed politician wants to be elected to Westminster? Who volunteers to be surveyor of toxic waste that drains out of London to infect the body politic that is the United Kingdom?

We are sending 58 SNP politicians there without proper battle uniform. They are expected to infiltrate and fraternise with Scotland’s mortal enemies. I have no idea how many will return, how many will succumb to the House of Common’s bars, or find nights in London too lonely without their wife in bed, but we should expect a few casualties.

I hope the SNP’s first task is not to approve a small war somewhere that isn’t England. Small wars in some far-flung land is a tried and tested idea to whip up hysterical patriotism and call upon all sections of society to unite under one flag.

Consequently, we should expect a Tory MP to advocate we send troops to die in an arid land to ‘stop terrorism’ ignoring, of course, we are already killing innocent women and children there by drones, and doing so in tandem with the USA. I hope the SNP vote against all such attempts at neo-imperialism. Leave that to a Queen and Country Labour MP to back Tories to the hilt. There is always one.

Next revelation to come is how a happy band of SNP MPs prove almost useless in a cesspit of 650 English, Welsh and DUP MPs. Every time an SNP MP stands up to speak they should expect to get booed, jeered, ridiculed, and generally spat upon.

If an SNP MP has the audacity to put forward a Bill it is sure to be voted down, or talked out of time. Guaranteed.

And what will happen when a deal is on the table involving immigration quotas?” Scotland desperately needs ready-to-work immigrants. Will the SNP have a say in our immigration quota? We have ben told we will not.

Our MPs shall do their best to put forward Scotland’s needs nobly and courageously, and get mugged. They shall be called amateurs. They will be called dissidents. They will be called destroyers of kingdoms.

Some will say it is an exercise we must undertake to show how much Westminster does nor care about Scotland’s health, as if 300 years of showing how little it cared is not example enough.

Top UK insurgent Alex Salmond, and SNP’s new leader and First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon, warn Tories they will get no mercy, and Labour that they will hold their ear to the bacon slicer, assuming rashly, (pun intended) Labour is in power.

Where there are politicians there are rats

The Labour party detests the SNP so much it would have Tories govern Scotland until the next ice age. Why should they help the SNP just because they will sit next to them on House of Commons benches?

Like USA Republicans who prefer their country in chaos to Democrat rule, Labour would rather see Scotland laid low than shake hands with the Devil.

Labour, the ‘party of the people’ despises the people

In a newspaper article the respected journalist Neal Ascherson reminds readers of the perils of independence parties dabbling in the murky politics of Westminster for whatever noble reason or cause. He uses Ireland’s march to independence as his guide.

Ireland’s self-inflicted delays and disappointments on the road to independence are a good comparison with Scotland, at times turning in on itself in the face of British obduracy to the extent Irish nationalists and republicans pushed aside radical thinkers. We should all take time to study Ireland’s path to independence.

Does anybody with half a brain really believe the ruling party at Westminster will never undermine SNP’s mandate by blocking or withdrawing investment from Scotland?

Sex and the single MP

Sleazy sex and Westminster MPs go hand-in-hand. The list is a who’s who of unsavoury conduct by aggressive men who love exercising power. Women are easy targets, secretaries perks of their trade.

From Lloyd George chasing skirt, to the Profumo Affair – swimming pool parties and pimps all denied at first – to truly creepy Liberal leader Jeremy Thorpe and his peccadilloes, to prime minister John Major taking Edwina Currie MP over his office desk to prove even the greyest of grey men can muster some action in the trouser department. Well, they were both Tories, made for each other.

Is there such a thing as a ‘single’ MP? They worst usually fake a respectable marriage and start appearing at Sunday service to show how pious and God fearing they are, people to whom the word ejaculate only ever means exclaiming a statement loudly.

Any Westminster watcher can warn that sooner or later the SNP is liable to get tarnished by shenanigans behind the Speaker’s chair, or whatever euphemism is in vogue at the time.  The opponents of Scotland will love it for it will prove the opposition correct, that our elected representatives are no better than their elected representatives.

With expenses and sex scandals and scummy money for lobbying still in recent memory, you’re tarnished just stepping through the portal of the ‘mother f****r of all parliaments’.

Can’t rise above it, best not be there

No amount of clever footwork from Salmond, or Robertson, or Black, or any of the others, can ensure the SNP do not end up hated by one section or another of British society. Appease one group, alienate the other. It’s a tightrope.

Conservatives and members of the House of Lords regard the arrival of the ‘Nats’ as akin to commies owning Fortnum and Mason. “They wish to break up the United Kingdom” is their cry, sometimes spoken of as ‘our’ country, meaning all of the UK is theirs.

At some point the SNP has to trade to get concessions for Scotland. Inevitably they will find themselves facing a Bill they would normally vote against stuck under their nose for support, the reward some gain or other for Scotland.

It is as certain as that one nail in the street gutter finding your car’s tyre.

From political party to runt

A quick look at the Lib-Dems illustrates what can happen. Deals can kill a party’s integrity. It can show them unskilled and maladroit. It can reduce them to hustlers.

Lib-Dem’s one-time economic prophet, nice guy Vince Cable, no longer carries the air of a straight-talking unsullied politician. He slept with the enemy. It was consensual. Will he survive the inevitable backlash against the Lib-Dems for co-habitation? I doubt it. You can’t warn of a corrupt construction company and then agree to sit on its board of directors without people distrusting you from then on.

The thing for the SNP to remember is, when Westminster blows up – with apologies to Guy Fawkes – then is the time to take advantage of a crumbling edifice. Don’t shore up the gaps. The enemies of the democratic spirit are at their weakest. Remind people that Scotland can remove itself from the latrine that is the House of Commons, and can do it decisively for all the right reasons.

Treading carefully

The SNP’s annual conference had motions debated for more generous Welfare benefits, land reform, no fracking, no austerity, no Trident, no House of Lords, and above all, no Ukip in Scotland, policies at odds with Westminster orthodoxy.

If sent to work in a sewer you had better be wearing an oxygen mask, safety against leaks of noxious gasses and malodorous sleaze. And know where lie the exits!

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3 Responses to Slipping In Westminster Slop

  1. gerry parker says:

    “What will happen when a deal is on the table involving immigration quotas?”

    One would hope that it would be “devolved” to the Scottish Parliament.

  2. Alex Wright says:

    I agree with a number of your points, especially the first sentence and yes, this could be a poisoned chalice. However, played cannily, what an opportunity to benefit our people.
    I’m confident that whoever we send down will be experienced enough to distance themselves from the “Westminster bubble syndrome” and win concessions without alienating the rest of the U.K.
    I’m not naive enough to imagine that this will be an easy ride, especially with the hostility of the right wing press, but surely, encouraging left of centre policies within the Labour party will win support from not only from their remaining honest MP’s, but also a huge chunk of the British electorate.
    Mainly, in Westminster, what the the party must strive for, is transparency and honesty in all dealings, which would be enough for me and I suspect, a majority of new members.

  3. dan says:

    “If an SNP MP has the audacity to put forward a Bill it is sure to be voted down, or talked out of time. Guaranteed.”
    bloody prophetic

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