Slipping In Westminster Slop

A London sewer, built in 1834, but unfit to rid Westminster of its stench

Westminster is a sewer

“Mr Speaker, you gave us a gentle rebuke yesterday for the applause that we gave in this Chamber, and we take that with good grace. We know of course that it is not traditional practice in the Chamber, but we did not know just how unacceptable it might be found. We will try to refrain from doing it again. It will take us time to learn the processes at work here; it will take us time to get our feet under the table.” Tommy Sheppard SNP MP

The statement from Tommy Sheppard, he newly ensconced in the House of Commons, respecting its corrupt traditions and rituals, is prophetic, or maybe I mean pathetic. Later Tony Blair was given a standing ovation on leaving politics and the Speaker joined in. What sane person, what self-possessed politician wants elected to Westminster?

We are sending SNP politicians there without proper protective battle gear. They are expected to infiltrate and fraternise with Scotland’s mortal enemies. I have no idea how many will return, how many will succumb to the House of Common’s bars, or find nights in London too lonely without their wife in bed, but we should expect a few casualties.

I trust SNPs are never tasked with approving a small war somewhere led by England. A small war in some far-flung land is a tried and tested way of whipping up hysterical patriotism. Consequently, expect a Tory MP to advocate we send troops to die in an arid desert to ‘stop terrorism’ ignoring, of course, we are terrorists killing innocent women and children there by drones, and doing so in tandem with the USA.

Next revelation is how a happy band of SNP MPs prove almost useless in a cesspit  of 650 English, Welsh and DUP MPs. Every time an SNP MP stands up to speak they should expect to get booed, jeered, ridiculed, and generally spat upon.

If an SNP MP has the audacity to put forward a Bill it is sure to be voted down, or talked out of time. Guaranteed.

And what will happen when a deal is on the table involving immigration quotas? Scotland desperately needs ready-to-work skilled immigrants. Will the SNP have a say in our immigration quota? We have been told we will not.

Our MPs shall do their best to put forward Scotland’s needs nobly and courageously, and get mugged. Some will say it is an exercise we must undertake to show how much Westminster doesn’t care about Scotland’s health, as if 300 years of showing how little it cares is not example enough.

Alex Salmond and SNP’s First Minister, Nicola Sturgeon warn Tories they will get no mercy, and Labour that they will hold their ear to the bacon slicer, assuming rashly, (pun intended) Labour is in power ever again, it being Tory-Lite.

The party of the people despises the people

Labour detests the SNP so much it would have Tories govern Scotland until the next ice age. Why should they help the SNP just because they will sit next to them on House of Commons benches?

Like US Republicans who prefer their country in chaos to Democrat rule, Labour would rather see Scotland laid low than shake hands with the Devil.

It is all foretold

In a newspaper article the respected journalist Neal Ascherson reminds readers of the perils of independence parties dabbling in the murky politics of Westminster for whatever noble reason or cause. He uses Ireland’s march to independence as his guide.

Ireland’s self-inflicted delays and disappointments on the road to independence are a good comparison with Scotland, at times turning in on itself in the face of British obduracy, to the extent Irish nationalists and republicans pushed aside radical thinkers. We should all take time to study Ireland’s path to independence.

Does anybody with half a brain really believe the ruling party at Westminster will not try to undermine SNP’s mandate by blocking or withdrawing investment from Scotland?

Sex and the single MP

Sleazy sex and Westminster MPs go hand-in-hand. The list is a who’s who of unsavoury conduct by aggressive men who love exercising power. Women are easy targets, secretaries perks of their trade.

From Lloyd George chasing skirt, to the Profumo Affair – swimming pool parties and pimps, all denied at first – to truly creepy Liberal leader Jeremy Thorpe and his peccadilloes, to prime minister John Major taking Edwina Currie MP over his office desk to prove the greyest of grey men can muster action in the trouser department, testosterone stoned MPs will get caught in flagrante. 

Is there such a thing as a ‘single’ MP? The worst usually fake a respectable marriage and start appearing at Sunday service to show how pious and God fearing they are, people to whom the word ejaculate only ever means exclaiming a statement loudly.

Any Westminster watcher can warn that sooner or later the SNP is liable to get tarnished by shenanigans behind the Speaker’s chair, or whatever euphemism is in vogue at the time. The opponents of Scotland will love it for it will prove the opposition correct, that our elected representatives are no better than their elected representatives.

Can’t rise above it, best not be in it

Conservatives and members of the House of Lords regard the arrival of the ‘Nats’ as akin to commies owning Fortnum and Mason. “They wish to break up the United Kingdom” is their cry, sometimes spoken of as ‘our’ country, meaning all of the UK is theirs.

At some point the SNP has to trade to get concessions for Scotland. Inevitably they will find themselves facing a Bill they would normally vote against stuck under their nose for support, the reward some gain or other for Scotland. It is as certain as that one nail in the street gutter finding your car’s tyre.

From political party to runt

A quick look at the Lib-Dems illustrates what can happen. Deals can kill a party’s integrity. It can show them unskilled and maladroit. It can reduce them to hustlers.

Lib-Dem’s one-time economic prophet, nice guy Vince Cable, no longer carries the air of a straight-talking unsullied politician. He slept with the enemy. It was consensual. Will he survive the inevitable backlash against the Lib-Dems for cohabitation? Will the Lib-Dem party survive their bout of heavy petting? I doubt it. The are tainted now and for a long time to come.

The thing for the SNP to do is stop taking the ridicule on the chin like chumps, and the animosity and the jeers, and come home to protect Scotland. After all, Scotland has no wish to rule England.

They are needed here, in Holyrood, reminding us Scotland can remove itself from the latrine that is the House of Commons, and can do it decisively for all the right reasons.

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