Brassiere entrepreneur and former model Ms Michelle Mone is created a peer of the Realm. How preposterous! It can only have been awarded for brazen self-promotion, not for business acumen or services to the community.
Better Together for sales
A devotee of the Better Together anti-democracy campaign during Scotland’s Referendum, Ms Mone’s peerage presages the anointing of other democracy betrayers from that camp. We await elevation of more nonentities to govern over us – come the hour, come the fat man, Lord Blair MacDougall of Fooling and Scaring, and Lord Darling of Ermineland.
It is fitting she joins the politburo of unelected old tarts and farts, so out of touch they might as well inhabit Planet Kepler 452B. David Cameron has answered the clamour for reform by giving Scotland the finger. He announces another fifty new Lords and Ladies, tossing out any pretence of balance. The pasty Etonian guarantees gross political inequality for another generation. Thirty five are Conservative peers, there to increase the Tory majority.
What an insult to the electorate. What shame so many will give a cheer. Ms Mone will feel quite at home among the scions of superannuated aristocrats, uber-rich party supporters, and government placemen and place-women.
Ms Mone is chiefly known for having introduced silicone into a bra to make it more comfortable rather than silicone introduced direct into mammary glands as a breast implant. Thinking outside the box, you could say. It also enhances small breasts, surely a benefit if it gives women confidence. (But that’s a whole other debate!) Her image was also greatly enhanced by her invention of Glasgow’s own ‘Silicon Valley’. I suspect the disparity between the price of an Ultimo bra and its supportive qualities rises in direct proportion to the size of the client’s breasts.
It made her very wealthy, and acquire the propensity to divest herself of her garments at the click of a camera. Controversially, she introduced her daughter, Rebecca, to the charms of lascivious men as the key model for her underwear. All publicity is good.
The next step is a role in the Scottish Office as bra designer to the man boobs of Scotland’s sweetie wife, David Mundell, Secretary of State for Scotland, she without portfolio or political honesty. Ms Mone is Scotland’s very own Sarah Palin.
Her elevation is a glaring example of the Tory party’s contemptuous disregard for the people of Scotland, and the fifty-six SNP MPs they sent to Westminster. Ms Mone against the hairy hordes.
In politics she is another J.K. Rowling.
She told Scotland to vote against its best interests. Mone has finally quit Scotland. Rowling has not entirely abandoned us. JK needs to keep on top of things in her adopted land. (Not a euphemism.) Neither is Rowling a member of the House of Dead Ermine. Moreover, I suspect Rowling has turned down a peerage. She has to have been offered one by now.
On innumerable occasions Ms Mone expressed her detestation for Scotland’s elected government, but especially the advent of horrid nationalism. She detests nationalism and goes to immense lengths to avoid being tarnished by it.
The quick way to become a high-level law officer without getting elected with power over everybody is to denigrate your fellow countrymen, proclaim your self a diehard Tory, and live life as a clothes horse. I can’t see what that does for the cause of women’s rights.
The cult of the mediocre continues.
Michelle Mone, a name only a porn star would revel in, who warned she would leave Scotland if it became independent, has finally left Scotland for some decked balcony (not a euphemism) in London, by the Thames, promoted there by Cameron as a Tory entrepreneur without physical comparison.
That she sold her company should not cause readers any alarm. She sold it to lingerie retailer MAS Holdings, owner of Speedo swim wear better known as ‘budgie smugglers’, with head offices in those tax-respecting havens of Colombo and Sri Lanka. That’s what big business people do these days.
To hell with the local economy and community. You get grants and awards from the taxpayer – welfare to you and me – to create employment, and then sell out to the highest bidder as soon as possible leaving hard-working staff that helped make the company successful to survive as best they can.
Ms Mone deals in fakery of one sort or another. She admits to faking her qualifications early in her career to obtain a marketing post. Few took notice of her other than to note her bra company in Glasgow was over half a million pounds in the red in 2014, and she was caught bugging employees to “test their loyalty.”
Ms Mone and her former husband exploited employee benefit trusts to reduce their tax burden, a system denounced by chancellor Osborne, and not exactly ‘giving back to the community’. Their company was not as depicted, a mass employer in Scotland. Today she sells ‘diet’ pills, and owns a fake spray tan product called Utan. Presumably she has a spray for changing political allegiance instantly, ‘Uturn‘ a good brand name.
Bags of money
Her company, MJM International, was reputed to be worth twenty million at the height of its fame, run back in the day by her as model and by her husband as administrator, but for whatever reason her husband found his head turned more often by the company’s designer and so came the inevitable divorce. (If readers are beginning to feel this back story reads like something from Hello magazine the fault lies in the nature of Ms Mone’s career trajectory and depth of character.)
If only she had displayed other characteristics than demeaning women and uttering banalities about Scotland going down the drain, you could at least defend her to a degree, some substance, something to praise, but all you see is a glamorous sales person selling products that exploit women’s anxieties.
Women in London of a certain wealth and taste buy their underwear from Bravissimo, or from the Royal lingerie retailer, Rigby and Pellar, dear old Marks and Spencer having long-lost its allure for ubiquitous underwear.
Rigby and Pellar, for example, have your last order on computer and can ensure your next is as bespoke as the last. (This site prides itself on its research.) Presumably Ms Mone stands to make a bob or two (almost typed boob) selling her bras to old farts in the House of Lords who enjoy wearing women’s underwear and snorting cocaine.
If she ever makes a maiden speech (not a euphemism) – goodness knows what it will consist of – I trust she will hold the arm of the Lord next to her. One suspects so many she talked to in the past left in mid-sentence.
The effects of time and gravity
In time, like the rest of us, Ms Mone’s curvaceous femininity will gather an excess of H2o and gravity and force her to fall back on her business acumen, and expanding posterior.
The whole unsavoury episode leaves me with the angry words of playwright John Osborne.
“The woman who sneers at you from the pages of glossy magazines, the model ideal of superb meanness, a long slink of classical contempt, begs for defilement.”
Well, perhaps that’s going too far. Osborne disliked women, then again Mone does women no great favour. You can argue she has risen above ‘the glass ceiling’ but I know independent minded, successful women who inhabit the same male dominated world that are successful without resorting to exhibitionism and tawdry tales of daily life ‘struggling’ with the onerous duty of parties and functions in the upper echelons of society.
“Michelle knows how to manipulate the press“, Peter Jones, entrepreneur, ‘Dragon’s Den’.
If she is being manipulated by men, and there is some evidence for it, she should speak out. Playing the victim of cybernattery is cheap and not cheerful. What she is, she appears to have created all by her self and enjoys the attention. Other than saying over and over again, ‘if at first you fail, try, try again’, – but not for independence! – what is her business acumen? You want to admire her but are repelled.
You are repelled because, like Rowling, she has used her position of power to influence voters against their best interests.
Fashion for the rich
Personally, the fashion world of Karl Lagerfeld, Donatella Versace, and Armani leaves me stone cold. Only Scotland’s Alexander McQueen caught my attention, and only because he was so eloquently and powerfully subversive. In the fashion world Ms Mone is the equivalent of a squirt of Pledge.
The truth is, Scotland’s Victoria’s secret is really starvation and liposuction. And a ‘businesswoman’ who sold out for nothing more than daily appearances in the tabloid’s gossip columns. One hopes more like her will follow her example … and leave Scotland.
Ms Mone’s invaluable business speech praising HSBC: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glf0AkMps48
Partners in crime – ‘Dear JK Rowling: https://grousebeater.wordpress.com/2014/06/13/dear-j-k-rowling/