Adiós Inglés


Supporters cheer the Icelandic football team

A Spanish journey

As a Scot and a natural born European I dug my ‘X’ hard into the ‘Remain’ box on the voting paper in the booth with the dedication of a surgeon …. and then I boarded a plane for Malaga, Spain.

By the time I reached my destination Britain was in turmoil. Lots of lightweight politicians were falling about like rotting plums in a gale, shown up to be the ineffectual opportunists that they are. The world altered in a matter of a few hours. Disarray UK. People chanted “We want our country back” – meaning England. Scotland, Northern Ireland and the real Ireland, the Republic, all want to remain with Europe. So did most of London, but for once it didn’t rule the roost. And the Gibraltarians were livid too. Over 98 per cent had voted to remain sane and European. Now they were abandoned, marooned. What next for 30,000 loyal ‘Brits’?

And what of the psychotically confused English? They want not England out of Europe, but Europe out of England.


Malaga Airport – invariably packed with tourists

The slap in the face

When my plane emptied us out at Malaga’s new airport there was a shock. Over 250 of us found ourselves in single file at the ‘Aliens’ section. No ‘EU Citizens’ fast track for us. This was the first of many symbolic events I encountered. Late, we got herded to the non-EU resident’s line. The lone security guard scrutinized our passports one page at a time.

“This will take for ages”, said the worried Scot behind me, annoyed he was losing hard won sun tanning hours. He was all prepared, dressed for the occasion in a thin T-shirt, half-trousers called pants, and flip-flops.

“Get used to it,” I responded, and looked him in the eye. “This is what Brexit has given us. We are now officially foreigners, the thing unionist millionaires warned we would become only if we voted to reinstate Scotland’s nationhood. I turned to the assembled line, and in my best after-dinner voice shouted, “Repeat, after me, everybody, ‘No soy Inglés. Soy Escocés!'”

The ripple of understanding that ran down the line turned into giggles and then applause. I opened my European passport at the photograph and repeated the phrase to the security guard in the glass booth but with a calculated addition.

“No soy un estúpida inglés. Soy escocés. – I am not stupid English. I am Scottish.”

The guard pushed back his military police issue cap, paused to check my eye line, until a huge involuntary grin broke across his stern visage. He let out a roar of laughter and waved us through in lickety-split time. I looked back to thank him, “Viva Espana!”

Each day transpired to offer similar confrontations: momentary scrutiny followed by my disclaimer, laughter from officials, pats on the back and warm handshakes. The reply was always the same, “Gracias escocia. Que son bienvenidos.”


Nigel Farage in the EU Parliament – he will keep his pension when UK leaves the EU

What have we done?

But the frisson of angst those queuing had experienced jolted us; the hard reality of most of England voting for separatism was palpable. They recognised a serious regressive step had taken place, without their say so, a threat to their freedom.

Wherever I went, bank official, waiter, hotel receptionist, store assistant, they asked why British people had done what they had done. “Andy Murray – he came to Barcelona to train, no? Why do you stop talented players doing the same as he did? Please tell us?”

They admitted what the European Bank had done to Greece was inexcusable, but they felt change was on the way, they could see it in the election wins for the mass left-wing movement Podemos.

In any event Ukip had never begun its days on a platform to save the people of Greece. Farage has never been seen in meetings with Greek politicians, or in conversation with Yanis Varoufakis discussing ways to bolster the Greek economy. He wants them out of the UK, kebabs, souvlaki, and all! But hey, England will keep the Parthenon marbles.

That brazenly hypocritical excuse was chucked into the mix only lately by Farage when addressing the European Parliament, making his overtly racist declaration that he alone had achieved English purity. He’s England’s answer to Barry Goldwater. How did the English ever allow Farage a soap box? Not all liked what they heard, but not enough stopped him. The con artist declared, “This will be our independence day.”

And then it happened.

England’s over-paid, and over-there football team got their arses kicked by the one country they thought a joke, Iceland. It seemed to me all of Spain was watching. As Iceland’s team scored its second goal the cheers went up among the diners in Malaga’s narrow tapas bar alleys. It mattered no longer Spain had lost too.

A tall, grey haired, burly man got up from his table to reach the restaurant toilet. As he past my table and glanced at the television screen showing the match he said, “This is terrible. We’re in despair.” His Dublin accent was unmistakable. He gave the thumbs up sign and a wink. Now I was laughing. England had made itself a laughing stock. An English television commentator couldn’t believe it. “We have to accept a superior team got licked tonight!”


The announcement of leaving Europe shocked everybody in the tapas bar

Nothing like Groundhog Day

The next day everybody who was anybody had resigned, was on the point of resigning, or refusing to resign but getting kicked out of office. Westminster skies were blazing with lethal trails of drones each a politician’s name inscribed on its nose. And there were no air raid shelters to be found.

A small miracle appeared in the Guardian newspaper. Seeing the chaos unfettered racism had reaped upon his country, a regular columnist wrote, “I have to accept that now Scottish independence is a certainty.”

Pulling teeth

In a symbolic moment I got talking briefly to a successful London dentist, on holiday in Malaga. He was as English as you can imagine, in manners, attitudes, and civility. He told me his grandfather and his father were Russian, refugees from Stalin’s regime.

And I remembered all the Russians who had fought in the second European war, and all the Poles too, millions who had fought and died side by side with Tommy and Jock and Paddy and Taffy, for freedom, for peace, but not for racism, or xenophobia, or intolerance, or the vomit of Nigel Farage.

And I heard myself say… adiós Inglés.




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23 Responses to Adiós Inglés

  1. deryck23 says:

    Wonderful! Thanks

  2. Grouse Beater says:

    You’re welcome.
    Am still fine tuning it, adding to it, but please forward it to like minds, and minds you dislike.

  3. Ghillie says:

    Grouse Beater, thank you = )

    How interesting (and entertaining!) to hear how that was for you some distance away from the eye of the storm here, and yet, where you are located, still centred in the eye of the storm! This a fasinating glimpse of reaction in Spain.

    You will come home to a place where the daily news is moving so fast that even the most diligent Wingers are tripping over themselves to keep up.

    For me, I was shocked to the core that this had actually happened. But also, kind of, not entirely surprised. Definitely still very disturbed by the sentiment behind some of that vote. The question that keeps ringing through my mind is ‘what have they done?’ And to be honest, I don’t think many of the people of England have a clue what this could mean.

    Scotland spoke in pure gold.

    Again, not so surprised, and so so proud of the people of Scotland = )

    Still, I am torn between concern for the people of England, having released an evil genie, and elation that the people of Scotland spoke with a very different voice and what that now means for Scotland.

    I, and so many others, am bursting with pride for Nicola Sturgeon, Angus Robertson and Alyn Smith. Scotland is blessed with true statesfolk.

    And the world, is again, seeing Scotland in our best light. What a time to be alive!

  4. The political events (in UK terms) have grown ever more siesmic since the 19th September.
    I can say from my own personal perception, this feels like ‘our’ 1989.
    It’s reasonable to hypothesise that the 1707 union has, or is now in the process of, ceasing to exist.
    Fortunately, unlike seperatist England, we actually have a mature, capable and principled stateswoman at the helm.
    Dangerous waters lie ahead for Scotland but yesterday’s events in Brussels demonstrate that we do very much have friends in Europe.
    In a couple of hours we will see the next chapter of the drama unfold but I feel hugely vindicated in identifying with Europe rather than the UK.

  5. dan says:

    “No soy estúpida Inglés. Soy Escocés” next T-shirt slogan

  6. Grouse Beater says:

    Ha ha! Excellent. And it’ll get you lots of favours, free food, and wine. Viva Espana!

  7. Bob Mack says:

    Thanks for writing what I feel.

    I am never alone because I am a Scot. My natural instinct is to gather people around me rather than isolate myself, and you have demonstrated this wonderfully in this article. There are many, many decent people in England, but like other nations have done in the past they are travelling on a dangerous road of imagining themselves as forced benefactors to aliens who milk them dry and cause them financial hardship.

    I personally have no wish or desire to remain in a state where this is allowed to flourish, fertilised and cultivated by the representatives of that State.

    I am a Scot and I am a European, and proud of both.

  8. Grouse Beater says:

    Seconded, Bob. And thank you. 🙂

  9. Andrew McLean says:

    When any relationship ends, because of some slight, that unattended grows to resentment, or by the unfaithfulness of the other partner, that injury to the heart spreads to the mind. And from then on in only the best care and respect can salvage anything from what once was.

    What you clearly have described is the realisation, now spreading throughout Europe, is that the Union between Scotland and England, always troubled ever since they joined has become irreconcilable. A feeling of separation, of no longer being a partnership, that became flesh and bone, unbelievable after, the referendum in 2014 and has continued to spread and grow, was unable to take the final indignity foisted on it by its estranged partner.

    As with any relationship that ends in those circumstances , one partner in their mind and heart , already viewing the new life ahead with all its opportunity’s, yes and risks, but with never a backward glance closes the door, never to return.

    As you so simply put – Adiós Inglés.

  10. Excellent read GB, I have reposted the link out on twitter and the book of faces 🙂 Look forward to seeing you back in iScot

  11. Grouse Beater says:

    Muchas gracias, senor.

  12. TheItalianJob says:

    Great article and so very appropriate.
    I was going to say to a colleague (who’s wife is Spanish) and rushed home to see the Italy v Spain game. “Don’t worry if Spain get beat you still have England to support.”
    I’m glad I didn’t. Ha Ha 😃

  13. Muscleguy says:

    I’m reminded of campaigning for indy here in Scotland.

    Having grown up in New Zealand and lost almost all vestiges of a Scots accent I got an occasional curious enquiry. Saying I was born here but grew up in NZ was ALWAYS accepted and the enquiries were never challenges.

    I’m also reminded of pulling into a small town in Northern France in search of breakfast early one morning. We walked into a bar and ordered organge juice and coffee and a big local came up and asked if we were English.

    ‘Non, nous sommes Nouveau Zelandais’ was my reply and the froideur became bonhomie.

    L’Affair Rainbow was mentioned and it was made plain they despaired of their government on the matter and we managed to impart that we did not blame them for it. Then we discussed in broken Franglais le rugby and we barely got away in time for our ferry sufficiently sober and had to turn down invites to homes.

    When overseas do not be English. Anything but English.

  14. Grouse Beater says:

    I can see that situation only getting worse, and in celebratory Brexit reaction, an increase in racially motivated attacks on UK-based ‘foreigners’ by ‘true Brits’.

  15. Muscleguy says:

    I should also recount the time my wife and I went for our regular Tuesday night drink in our regular pub (often the only customers), kids were at St. John’s. Except this Tues was just after Jonah Lomu had run over Mike Catt at Twickenham. We were wearing our All Black shirts, walked in and barman threatened to bar us.

    We found a different regular.

  16. Grouse Beater says:

    I presume wearing a Union Jack waistcoat would have got a drink on the house.

  17. James Mckay says:

    Except in Japan. Don’t be a citizen of the USA there.

  18. cuddyback says:

    Thanks for a great post.
    Just one pedantic observation: if you are male you would say “No soy un estúpido inglés…soy escocés”. (Spanish doesn’t use capital letters for adjectives which describe nationality, and the adjective has to agree with the gender of the subject) Therefore a woman would say “No soy una estúpida inglesa, soy escocesa”. It would sound a bit snappier if you said “No soy un tonto inglés/ una tonta inglesa…..

    Viva Escocia libre!

  19. Grouse Beater says:

    Many thanks, Cuddyback. My written Spanish in slim, I speak it as much as needed when there.
    I did wonder about capital letters but chose the route English speakers might recognise.
    “No soy un tonto ingles” it is.
    Gracias, Senor!

  20. cuddyback says:

    De nada!

    But if you’re making the T-shirt you need to make sure to include that little tick above the ‘e’ in “inglés”. If you leave it out you’re saying “I’m not a daft armpits”, which would surely be a contradiction in terms!

    (I’m hoping this appears as a reply to your reply? Our comments below don’t have reply options)

  21. Grouse Beater says:

    You use ‘reply’ that’s on the first comment – accentuation isn’t on offer for titles, which is an annoyance. You type it in the body of the work and then transfer that to the topic header.
    Time for a sangria – Murray through to Wimbledon final! Yay!

  22. Jon says:

    Article illustrated with a picture of Icelanders, who voted to stay out of the EU. That’s great for them because… who cares, they can’t be bigots because their football team beat the English.

  23. Grouse Beater says:

    Nice to see others paranoid for a change. It’s usually Scots, and with good reason.

    It was world cup season. The photograph is there as an illustration of how a small country can support its own without cringing that they are second-rate, as drummed into them by another nation, as much an example to Scots as to other small countries.

    Can’t think why Icelanders would feel the need to belonging to the EU in an official capacity. They have no great industries to export, and are self-supporting in growing food, tomatoes included.

    Incidentally, over 350,000 English live and work happily in Scotland. Don’t be insulting them too.

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